what a worse feeling???

dear my lovely blog.. thank god coz i do have this where i can express my feelings...i hate this feeling...the feeling whereby i have to pretending like im ok while im totally not ok at all...why i still have to face a same thing that i hate the most again...i thought december 2010 would be the last worse moment for me...why i couldn't make it...please ALLAH,i beg to you...please remove him from my memories, replace him with someone who really mean to me...