joys and tears, but it is end up with a sweet sour smiling face

this year, 2013...
year with tears...
tears where i lost my precious one, in a week...
tears where i was admitted and had a surgery to remove a half of my ovarian follicles
tears when the doc told me about the ectopic pregnancy...
tears when everything just happened in this year ...

but...
I've learned to live...
I've  learned to accept it...
i've learned to love myself...
i've learned to improve myself..
i've learned to be a human being...


this year, 2013...
year with a joys...
joys where my husband be my side every single minute...
joys when im suffering from the pain, but i know in it, hidden a mercy...
joys which i could never get anywhere else, when my students visit me and taking care of me...
joys when i couldn't eat anything, but i have their hand to hold on for energy...

the joys, make me cried...
the tears, make me laughed...

this both thing, made me who i am...
taught me something valuable...
how to accept with heart sincerely...

untuk redha dengan hati yang iklas bkn senang, tapi bila redha dengan hati yang iklas, itu pengubatnya...

peace no war:
juju justagirl

berdiam diri tanpa bicara

mungkin benar apa yang diperkatakan setengah manusia,
berdiam diri tanpa bicara lebih beerti dari besuara bagai laksamana,
tapi hampa...

aku penat dengan manusia yang alpa dek tangga dan kuasa...
letih mendengar bualan hampas yang x bermakna, tapi berdosa...
jemu melihat ampuan keatas manusia yang suka punya kuasa..
sampai satu waktu,
aku diam membisu...
kerna, berdiam diri tanpa bicara bukan bermakna kita redha,

tapi,
aku menyerah pada yang lebih berkuasa,
yakni allah swt tuhan yang  satu, yang aku bangga...

mereka,
jangan pernah terlalu leka, dek kerana harta anda,
kuasa anda...

ajal, maut, jodoh, dan rezeki, kerja ALLAH yg satu...
walau berlian yg aku hidangkan dibalas dengan racun sekalipun,
tp aku yakin, rezekiku bukan di tangan kamu...
rezeki ku dari ALLAH yg satu...

peace no war:
juju justagirl

sadness...

hya, salam readers and bloggers... it been long time i didn't stop by here and left something to read... life as lecturer, a wife, its quite challenging lately... lot of pressure and seriously, im still cant manage it yet... im facing a worse week ever in my life as lecturer... well, for the first time im crying like a stupid lecturer in front of my students... what a pathetic thing i did...

the time was bad... real bad... deeply in me, i never felt like i was being ignored by my students, and there no respect at all towards me as lect... yes, im sad... really sad... i treated them as friend, family despite, they are all my students... i spend my time with them... cooked together, clean together, and i never left them behind... always help them in every class, because, kitchen class is the only class that i can feel my self... feel my life and enjoying the moment, every min n sec... but what i got is rubbish...

i always asked for forgiveness every single class, and say thanks to them... to appreciate them for coming to my class, while they are the should thank me... received that, from some of them, but minority... doesn't mean that im really desperate to get "TQ" from my students, but just for little appreciation... and day after, time getting worse... and make me really mad... and i decided not to monitor them anymore... for next following classes... but what to do... the blood of a teacher still running in my body... the madness, sadness doesnt work properly till i cant leave them alone in the class...

and when i sad alone, i realized, ive changed... after married... that what my man taught me... and sorry students, the times has passed... n no more laugh and joys after this...

 

what goes around comes around

assalmualaikum...

dear readers and bloggers, thank god i'm still have the opportunity to write in here... i just want to share something that truly happened to me, in front of me, and around me... subhanallah, Allah know what He did... im not saying that i am perfect or very good in everything... the thing is, i've learned much from this group of people... dear ALLAH s.w.t, i praised u for giving me a chance to meet them... to know this people and learned from what they did to people around them...

im not surprised when they started to change themselves... while after everything wrong going right at the time...  im a bad person before, maybe some people said im a wild teen, i admit who i am, but ALLAH give me the way... even thought im still in progress to be "somebody" as HIS slave, as daughter, wife, sister, lecturer, friend and someone for ALLAH s.w.t, for my lovely parent, for my husband one and ever, to my family, my parent in law, my fam in law, my students, my friends and public...

im trying to create a border or limitation for my self in term of relationship between peoples around me... my past thought me to be so... but what i get is still rubbish... sorry to say, what people they are... create a rumors and punish others without thinking ALLAH always there to see what we did... im being nice as much as i can, and guess what, i put aside my egoism away from me, hide it somewhere where people couldn't reach it... but ALLAH giving me a chance to feel how hurt it is, how wonderful our life... they punched me out deeply in my mind... fortunately not in my heart... once in a while, i always bear in my mind, the life of doing mistake is more honorable than a life spend doing nothing... so, they might be thinking of a same thing... hurt others, create a problem till break the human relationship...

ya Rabb, my husband always remind me... "Allah x suka umatnya yang putuskan talian persaudaraan" and what happened around us is..that thing... why i said what goes around comes around??? it is because them... they said bad about me, about us... talk like i did a real mistake which nobody could forgive me... and that time, i feel like i am real bad person coz i cant maintain the relationship... feel like i am the worst one...
but now, Allah shows the way... now, they did what they said to me last time... and syukur alhamdulillah, they are no longer related to us... and the most important thing is, ALLAH open my heart, and my husband too... to step out of the world which full of junkies... and let us begin the new life as muslim...

thanks ALLAH s.w.t...

peacenowar,
jujumohdjan

indahnya peraturan yang maha esa...

assalamualaikum....

bile duduk sendirian dan perhatikan keadaan, merenung masa silam, sekarang dan akan datang... ya Allah ya Tuhanku, indah sungguh percaturanMu ya Allah s.w.t... kadang aku terpikir adakah perlu untuk merasa menyesal... dan jawapan yang aku dapat, tidak... x perlu menyesal dengan apa yg tercipta untuk kita... belajar dari kesilapan dan belajar menerima qada' dan qadar' yg ditetapkan Nya...

allah s.w.t mencipta segalanya bersebab... dan atas sebab itu lah, xperlu ada kesesalan dalam hidup... syukur tuhanku, aku diberi peluang untuk merasa nikmat kesakitan, nikmat kesedihan, nikmat kebahagian, nikmat kegembiraan dan nikmat kejayaan... x semua umatmu berpeluang meransa nikmat ini... jika kebahagiaan itu indah, indah juga keperitan dan kesedihan... 

terima kasih suamiku, kerana meperingati aku dengan kata2 itu... " Bila kita minta bunga yg indah mekar, Allah berikan kaktus berduri... bila kita minta rama-rama cantik berseri, Allah beri kita beluncas berbulu...TAPI kita lupa, yang kaktus berduri akan beri bunga yang cantik, dan beluncas berbula akan bertukar menjadi rama-rama yang cantik... itulah jalan Allah s.w.t...

ambilah sedikit waktu, rununglah pemberian Nya... aku sudah melalui masa yang sangat berat untuk aku terima... sendirian, dan xda bahu untuk di kongsi... hanya DIA yang ada... tapi aku redha dan alhamdulillah, tuhan berikan aku ibu bapa disisi... dan sekarang seorang suami yang memahami... hanya dia tempat berkongsi suka dan duka... aku pernah merasai saat kaktus masih lagi berduri, dan beluncas masih jua berbulu... dan sekarang, Allah buktikan yang kaktus itu berbunga, beluncas itulah rerama... syukur ke hadrat mu ya ALLAH...

peace no war,

jujumohdjan

ramadhan : keberkatan untuk aku dan suami...

assalamualaikum,

hi readers, and friends... hari ini adalah hari terakhir bulan sya'aban 1433... itu menandakan esk bermula lah satu ramadhan... our fasting month... what make me so happy for this year??? ak akan berpuasa bersama seorang laki-laki, laki akulah... suami labih lembut... hehehheheh... mungkin org akan pikir itu nothing, tapi pada aku, tahun neh mmg lain... lain dari yg sebelumnya... aku sebelum ni, jarang sambut hari raya dgn famili... atas sebab2 tertentu... mmg org pk ak heartless, tp abah dh izinkan aku... tp skg, aku dh ada suami... lelaki kedua yg paling aku sayang... knapa kedua??? sbb abah adalah lelaki pertama dlm hati aku... xkn ada org lain... rindu abh... smlm besday abah... :)

hari neh jgk asal nya hari keputraan sultan terengganu, cewah kn dh jd a part of terengganuian... hahahha.. perasan sat... sebelum masuk esk hari, kepala otak pk mcm2... teringat nasi minyak ayah la, teringat rendang ayam yg abah mesti masak setiap tahun bl puasa... teringat laksam yg ma bli tiap kali balik k.t... teringat laksa mak aku... kak g, i miss ur laksa and bihun sup so much la... dah tkar topic la...food je asyik ingat...

tahun neh, puasa nk balik kedah dan aku akan beraya di terengganu... first time tu kot... nebes nk masak rendang untuk org terengganu... nasib la ma dpt menantu chep... hehehhehehe... bln neh teringin nk beribadat dgn suami aku... pegi jemaah tarawih same2... bangun sahur sama2... insyaallah, kalau di izinkan tuhan... moga kami dapat rezeki itu...

tahun lepas puasa sorang2, sekarang berdua, hopefully next year bertiga la... dan seterusnya... hehehhe... amin mudahan allah dgr apa yg aku minta... bulan mulia dh tiba esk... ak harap perkara yang x elok tu jauh lah dgn aku dan suami... syaitan dan jin akan di ikat, yang tinggal hanyalah nafsu kita... so if anything wrong we did, it is not because of them, it is because of our self... moga semua umah allah mendapat keberkatan untuk ramadhan tahun neh... amin ya rabb...

peace nowar
jujumohdjan

forgiveness : admitting the mistake we made or pretending we are always right ?

assalamualaikum...
and hello to all readers out there...
how should i start this??? i have lots of ideas but i don't know how to voice it out... im facing a phase which  i thought it is quite difficult to decide or find a solution for "that" things... i dont know how, and where can i find the best...best what??? omg, i lost my idea... im stress, under pressure and clueless of what is going on...
ok refer to word fogiveness, what did u really understand of it??? i still seek for it... i miss my mom and dad... and my family... it been long time we didnt hang out together, having dinner or lunch together... it just like flew away after one by one had their own fam... i miss the bench that abah make his ownself, where all of us spend our evening there... it such a beautiful childhood moment... even 8 of us had a cat fight most of the time...hahahhahah... and now, when one of my sis who i never speak to almost 6 years text me and seek for forgiveness from us, suddenly the tears dropped... and i knew, i miss my family... and she remind me, its not about the egoism of all of us, but it is all about our mom and dad happiness... i put away my egoism, my cold heart, and everything that make me hate some of them, just to say sorry and wish to stop all the nonsense conflict between us, coz im still remember, when mom called me and she is crying like a baby... it is not a tears of sadness, but it is tears of happiness... mom, dad, will you forgive us for what we did... 8 of us???